Caught Unprepared? 3 Tools for Improving Yourself in Any Situation

September 25th, 2008         Email This Post Email This Post       Print This Post Print This Post

To make rapid growth in one area, I suggested following a process to make that happen. For every other area, these three ideas are super useful. They could be used singly or together to grow in all areas of your life, without ANY advance notice!

Just Pause

As mentioned in How To Work On Your Character Traits, our brain works on shortcuts. When a situation comes up – e.g., you miss the bus or someone is telling you that you are wrong- our brain looks for the shortcut for how we should respond. It takes the brain less than 200 milliseconds to find it. It takes 2-3 seconds to consciously come to a conclusion. How do you know the shortcut is a wise reaction - you haven’t thought it through yet! Are you sure you want to feel upset and unlucky after missing a bus? Is it wise to start blindly defending your opinion before hearing the other side out? I should hope not. But how do you stop from following the shortcut?

Pause.
Step outside the shortcut.
Your job is to hold on for 3 seconds.

Just don’t react for 3 seconds. Stop any physical reaction and don’t talk. Let the knee-jerk reaction pass.

Now, ask: What would be the wise choice? What outcome do I want? It will be much easier to respond appropriately because you short-circuited the shortcut, and now you are in control.

 

Be the Watcher

Your brain is addicted to thinking, like a hyperactive puppy running around. It just keeps going and going. That isn’t a problem if you are thinking about Torah or something that makes you happy, but all too often the puppy strays into negative thinking. It falls into a big muddy pit and can’t get out. This can quickly put you in a bad mood and hardly helps you feel positive and energetic!
However, you are not your thoughts. You hold the leash to this hyperactive puppy. Whenever you see it straying (or fall into a pit) use the leash to direct your brain to more helpful thoughts. Think about something positive. “Gam Zeh Litovah - this is also for the good” What could be good about this? Or, what am I grateful for now?
For more information about controlling your thoughts, read the series on Your Thoughts.

Evaluate the Reaction

After any event that you must deal with, e.g., controlling your thoughts, or someone criticizing you, ask these two simple questions:

  • What did I do right?
  • What will I do differently next time?

The first question is great because it presupposes (an assumption that we choose to believe) that you did something right. We all love doing something right! “Nothing” isn’t an appropriate answer! At the very least, you noticed after the fact that this is an area that could be improved. Great! We want to reinforce any good habits, and make them stick for next time. Feel good about any progress you make - focus on how up the mountain you have climbed so far.

The second question helps you focus on how to act for the outcome you want. If the situations happens again, how can you handle it better? If you answer that, the next time the situation occurs your brain will say “I know what to do now!” and help you carry it out.

 

Practice pausing, watching your thoughts, and evaluating your reaction and you can be improving around the clock! When might you use these tools?

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Posted in Awareness, Growth, Principles, Subconscious, Traits | Rate post on JBlog!