What Does It Mean to Grow? How Do I Grow?

September 23rd, 2008         Email This Post Email This Post       Print This Post Print This Post

Everyone wants to feel that they are growing in their spirituality - in Torah, Avodah, and Gemilus chasadim. But what does growing really mean? You can’t simply say, “I want to grow” with no plan, nothing to remind you, and expect results. It sounds like a get rich quick scheme – they just don’t work.

Growing is striving for new heights. You have to strive, and know what those new heights are, exactly. It’s fun! You need to spend some time in the beginning figuring out what new heights you are striving for, and at least a few minutes each day to keep yourself striving for them. Working on character traits don’t need to take time.

What new heights are you aiming for? Find an opportunity to improve. Don’t worry, there are plenty! Each success gives you a glimpse of more opportunities. You don’t learn chumash or shas and say “All right, I’m done!” You go over it again. And again. And again. And you gain more and more each time.

So how do you find the opportunities for growth? Start paying attention to your thoughts, feelings, words, and actions. Compare them to your standards for performance. We have two levels of standards - what we must do, and what we want to do. I must be at davening with a minyan, and I want to be there before they start to prepare myself, but it doesn’t always happen, especially in the morning. Unless you have put some serious thought in, you may be fuzzy as to where the line is, and what you want to achieve.

  • If our actions always seem to be perfect, it is time to learn about, ask, or discover a higher level. Your idea of prayer should grow with you - upgrade that 10-year-old’s idea of prayer!
  • If our actions are above the “must” then get a clearer idea for the next level.
  • If our actions are below the “must” line, these are areas that your motivation or skills haven’t caught up with your standard.

When you have a clearer understanding of each level, you can grow rapidly. If you don’t have any understanding, it’s like trying to hit a target with a blindfold on - you have no direction. Everyone wants to reach for “better” but it doesn’t really tell you where to go. Define the level you are reaching for in terms of your thoughts, feelings, words, and actions.

You may have a very large list of opportunities for growth– but you can’t work on all of them at once. Feel free to get a better picture of what the next level is for each of them. Now, pick just a few things to work on. Working on many goals at once just doesn’t work well because it dilutes the importance of each one. The tougher they are, the less you may want to focus on. Less is more. Try working on 4 goals or less so you can focus on each one. Designate one of them the main goal.

Which should you choose? Choose to work on the opportunities that you feel are the most important or the most helpful. For the main goal, choose the one you feel is most important or that will help the others things you are working on. For example, working on listening to other people will help you not get angry - you can’t get angry yet, you don’t know the full story!

Congratulations! Most people don’t ever decide on what areas they want to grow in. Knowing the problem is half the solution. If you are working on character traits or reactions, or any actions you do, you may want to read about the formula for “fixing” negative reactions in my post about how to work on your character traits.

For more on how to strive for, and how to define new heights, stay tuned!

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