Why Your Rosh Hashanah Kabbalos Haven’t Worked (And How to Fix Them)

September 25th, 2008          Email This Post        Print This Post

We all have areas that we want to improve in, and come Rosh Hashanah, we work up the courage to commit ourselves to working on them. (Not sure what to work on? See what growth really is.) Sadly, the result is often dismal - we don’t have the discipline, lose our enthusiasm, don’t have the time, or simply forget. Yet, we try the same thing each year! We may even set the same goals (”This year I will really do it!”) and fail in the same way!

If you flick the light switch but it doesn’t go on, do you keep flicking it back and forth? I hope you would quickly realize that you should look for another problem.

Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.
-Albert Einstein

(See my podcast on Doing Things Differently.)

The answer I have often heard is to choose something small to work on, and then halve it. And then to halve it again. That way you will have something that will stick. I know I am far more ambitious than most people, but doesn’t that sound like a tiny goal to set for you entire year of growth? The Vilna Gaon said that if we aren’t working on improving our character traits, then what is the point of living?

It isn’t because you are trying for something too large, or that you can’t grow that much at once, but because the only thing you have changed is your commitment. In the secular world, it is called a New Year’s Resolution - something that you resolve to do - focusing on discipline. Focusing on discipline only helps short term. After a few days, all the problems mentioned before start up again. Trying to discipline yourself more when you haven’t improved your discipline won’t help you. “This year I am really going to improve my davening!” will yield the same results as last year! You don’t need a Rosh Hashanah Resolution, you need a Rosh Hashanah Plan!

A few days ago, I wrote about 3 Critical Steps To Pursuing Growth, which I encourage you to read (print it if you don’t have time now). Those are critical steps, and while they may be enough for working on character traits, they aren’t enough for something like scheduling more learning time.

Just because it’s Rosh Hashanah doesn’t mean you can magically add an hour of learning to your schedule! There is a reason (or many!) you haven’t done the learning until now, and you have to overcome all of them. You need a plan to overcome any reasons that may stop you from reaching your new goal.

Take out a piece of paper and list all the possible obstacles to making this happen, including any reasons why it hasn’t worked in the past. They may include not having time, being unsure of where to learn, not knowing who learn with, or things coming up that seem urgent. This list will be unique to you.

Now, what will you do to make it different this year? Address each obstacle. If you don’t know, ask a friend, your spouse, or daven for inspiration. You don’t need to know that it will work, but you need a new approach. After trying for a few days, you may find a better way.

Some things that may help:
• Find a partner to hold you accountable.
• Schedule your learning early in the morning so nothing can come up to derail it.
• Choose something you want to learn.

Go do something right now! Give your partner a call, and schedule your first time. Go ahead and blame me, tell him you read an article that said not to wait until you saw him next. Visit the bookstore and buy whatever you will need.

Don’t rely on your motivation to last - leverage it. Use it to make commitments to others you won’t want to break. Use it to disrupt old patterns and to start new ones. Use your motivation to set up the environment to push you to keep going. Once you do it for 30 days, it will hardly seem as hard as it did in the beginning.

If there has been a lot of resistance in the past, don’t just find ways to overcome obstacles, obliterate them with overwhelming force. Take your actions to the next level. If this problem (e.g., not getting out to learn) were a fly, what would be a sledgehammer? Perhaps… commit to teaching a class, ask the Rabbi for a learning session so you will feel worse about cancelling, tell your learning partner that you will give him $20 if you miss. Be creative - and set that up NOW. Leverage your motivation!

Rosh Hashanah isn’t just that yearly time to guilt us into doing something. Rosh Hashanah is an amazing opportunity to daven for help. Go into Rosh Hashanah with a smile on your face and tell Hashem (your loving father) that you actually have a plan this year and you just want some help.

Of course, if anyone asks why you seem so happy, don’t hesitate to tell them to about this blog. In fact, you should probably sign up so you can get updates by email, to keep you thinking about growing.
Have you decided what to focus on and made a plan? If not now, when? -Hillel

p.s. I encourage you to send this post with a link, or just the link, to your friends. Show them you really care!

Similar Posts:

• You Only Need Discipline When You Have A Choice
• To Grow, Ask “Why?”
• How to Find (And Cure) What Is Really Holding You Back
• What Does It Mean to Grow? How Do I Grow?
• The Power of Passion - Are You Involving Your Heart?
• How To Work On Your Character Traits