Overcoming the Final Hurdle: Remembering Your Goals

November 23rd, 2008          Email This Post       

I find the final hurdle of working towards any goal is simply remembering them.

In R’ Pliskin’s book Enthusiasm, he mentioned one reason to be enthusiastic is because it is contagious. I got a real kick out of the idea of being enthusiastic for others, and I was more enthusiastic for many days. That was about 3 months ago – I haven’t thought about that idea since. It doesn’t really take me any effort. There is no planning. But I have to remember, or the idea doesn’t help me.

It takes time and effort to choose a goal, such as not speaking lashon harah (true slander).

Next you have to figure out how. If you know the halachos, then don’t say it. You may think of some awkward situations that will come up – so determine a “cover story” now, and visualize to practice it, so that you won’t feel weird using it.

Ultimately, it comes down to noticing yourself and remembering your goal to not say lashon harah. If you don’t notice it, all the discipline in the world won’t help you.

People may try something like checking what you said after each conversation, or wearing your watch on a different arm. Another way to sensitize yourself is by reading a chapter of Guard Your Tongue or The Power of Words from R’ Pliskin each day. (Even if you already read it – the point isn’t the material. But a new book would be better.) But often, we forget or stop being reminded.

What you need to do is remind yourself and actually connect with it, every day. I have 10 post it notes in front of my computer, where I sit and work. They have inspiring messages or ideas that I am currently focusing on. Every week or so, I pull off or consolidate some old ones. But truthfully, I don’t pay attention to them most of the time. I definitely see them, but I never NOTICE them. It might help some people to put post it notes around their work or home, to remind them of what to focus on, but it just doesn’t seem to work for me. My attention is too focused on other things to really notice.

What does help me is making it a habit – a set time or point in your schedule – to actually NOTICE and CARE about my goals. If you don’t care about your goal, then – who cares?! If it doesn’t matter to you, then how are you going to convince yourself to put in the effort? What you need to do is CARE, every day about your goals and what you are trying to achieve. “Because lashon harah is something I should stop saying” doesn’t usually cut it. “Because I lose all my olam habah each time I speak any lashon harah” sounds more helpful. But even as I write those words, it doesn’t emotionally hit me. Stopping for a moment and visualizing all the mitzvos from the day – all the brachos, the learning torah, the kind deeds being deposited in your bank account (ka-ching! ka-ching!! ka-ching!!!) And then saying a few true words and – “POOF!” All gone! The words don’t help – but actually visualizing that gets to me. If you don’t actually CARE about your goal – and keep NOTICING and emotionally feel it, you will be neglecting a major motivational force. Ultimately, you will just forget.

Make it a HABIT to CARE each night about your goal before sleep and/or each morning, or some other set time. Reading isn’t enough – you have to connect emotionally with it. I find the morning and night is easiest because you can actually pause and think. In the afternoon, with the craziness of the day it’s much harder to stop. The most important part is that it becomes a habit. If you stop doing it after two days, the best reasons to care won’t help you at all! One idea is to put it a notebook on top of your pillow. Don’t go to sleep until you have actively cared about your goals. Another is a powerpoint slideshow – with pictures and phrases that speak to you- that you watch at the start of your day/workday and at the end. Instead of letting media brainwash you with cute (or gruesome) pictures, brainwash yourself. (Is it still called brainwashing if you do it to yourself? Sounds more like taking control of your life.)

We aren’t supposed to be robots – ivdu es Hashem bisimcha – serve Hashem with joy. We are supposed to relate to Hashem as our Father – we should have ahavas Hashem – love Hashem. Your emotions are an integral part of your life as a Jew. Consider a servant who grudgingly serves his master, and one who jumps up energetically out of love (or fear). Which one does a better job? Connect to the emotions and let them drive you to grow!

How are you trying to grow? Why do you care? Reconnect, emotionally, every day!

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