Truthful Optimism

November 11th, 2008         Email This Post Email This Post       Print This Post Print This Post

Most people define optimism and pessimism as your expectation for the future. If you consistently think that things will work out the way you hope, you are said be optimistic. If you consistently think they won’t, you are said to be pessimistic. Optimism and pessimism are merely explanatory patterns - the way that you explain or predict events. Most people haven’t chosen an explanatory pattern, they just accept whatever their brain tells them first - usually on the pessimistic side.

Often, your views are self-fulfilling, especially if they refer to something under your control - “whether you think you can, or you think you can’t, you are probably right.”

If you think pessimistically, you won’t fully commit yourself. For example, if you have a job interview, your doubt will impact the way you stand, sit, and talk - however slightly. If you think that you won’t be able to learn this piece of gemara, you will stop short and just give up. Why would you commit yourself if you don’t expect it to help? This often causes the pessimistic view to be self-fulfilling. If you expect something bad to happen, you can always find something to be annoyed about.

On the other hand, thinking optimistically motivates you to put in more effort to get the result you are aiming for. If you are working on anger, but are having a difficult time, then optimism will get you to keep trying. A pessimist will say “this will never work!” and just give up. Optimism also makes you happier - there are no future horrors to dwell on. Your immune system works better, so you are healthier. You will be nicer to others, so they are nicer to you. The gemara tells us: ”I toiled, but didn’t find - don’t believe him” - in learning, if someone claims to have put in the work but didn’t understand what he learned, we don’t believe that he actually did the work. You only stop doing the work when you give up hope.

The clear downside of pessimism is demotivation - you don’t feel that taking action will help. You also get to feel depressed about it now, rather than if something bad happens.

I have been through some terrible things in my life, some of which actually happened.
– Mark Twain

However, optimism also has a danger. You may be so hopeful that you ignore reality. Last Wednesday, the keyboard on my laptop started acting oddly - putting in extra weird characters, most of the time. I don’t have any other computer. Sunday morning  the keyboard wouldn’t type normally at all. Even with a regular keyboard plugged in, it wouldn’t work. I was feeling rather distraught - I use my laptop for gemara shiur every morning, for running this website, as well as most other things I do. To not have a working computer is tremendously frustrating to me. I could see my emails, but I couldn’t write back. I noticed that I was becoming depressed. I realized that I could tell myself that it will be fixed quickly, or the next time I try the problem will go away - I could choose to be unfailingly optimistic. But I just couldn’t believe that would be true- I would be lying to myself.
 

That sparked my new (partial) understanding of optimism: optimism isn’t out there - it’s inside you. 

“Whenever you think the problem is out there, that thought is the problem.” Life isn’t about what goes on out there. Life is about how you view it, and what you do about it. The 4th perek of Pirkei Avos defines a rich, wise, strong, honored person - they are all rooted in yourself, not in comparison to someone else (e.g. a rich person is someone that rejoices with his lot, not “the richest man in town”). So instead of expecting the good “out there”, focus on the good in yourself. Don’t think “It will work out” but rather “I can handle it. This won’t overwhelm me. I can do something about it.” Instead of saying “Great things will happen to me today” say “I will do great things today!” While great things MAY happen to you, you have direct control over yourself - you can cause it to happen. Instead of ignoring reality, you are choosing how you will act.

Extreme pessimism has an attitude of “it’s horrible, there’s nothing I can do about it. No matter what I do or how hard I try, it just won’t work.”

Optimism is about empowerment. It says “I can deal with it. I can change it, or learn to live with it. If I need help, I can contiune davening for it. Hashem doesn’t send me challenges I can’t handle!” (R’ Tauber says that a need indicates that you need to daven. As long as you have that need, you must continue to daven.)

Instead of focusing on how much time I may not be able to use my computer, I decided to focus on what I could do instead, such as reading more. Instead of focusing on the annoyance and possible frustration about getting the keyboard fixed, I focused on my ability to remain calm and make the most of my time. I know at least one good thing came from it - I have a better understanding of optimism!

Be unfailingly optimistic - expect the best from YOURSELF, in all situations!

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Posted in Awareness, Growth, Principles, core, happiness | Rate post on JBlog!